


The Best That We Can Do

by lovelyliz



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-08 20:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18902005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyliz/pseuds/lovelyliz
Summary: Steve wonders what would have happened if they had more time together. What if he had a chance to change things?





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This is my sort of fix-it for Endgame. I really enjoyed the movie overall, but I was disappointed in some of the lack of character development and some of the choices the characters made. So this is for the fans who were left a little disappointed (and of course for my fellow Romanogers shippers!) This is not meant to throw any shade at the writers/directors, etc. because I don't want to give them any hate. This will be a multi-chapter if enough people want me to continue! Thank you for reading and enjoy!

Life had gone on despite it all. The sun still rose and set everyday, the birds still chirped, and the lake still glistened and sparkled just like it had before. But somehow none if it felt the same anymore. To Steve none of it felt right without them. 

First he mourned Tony, his dear friend. Their relationship had been shaky at best, but Tony had still been like a brother to him. Steve himself was consumed with grief, so he could not imagine what Morgan and Pepper must be going through. He mourned for the happy and long life Tony could have had with the two of them. The life that his friend had deserved. 

But above all he mourned her. He didn't feel it as hard at first. She had left them so unexpectedly and they all had still had a world to save after she was gone. But now that things had settled, the grief had hit him like a ton of bricks all at once. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that life just wasn’t the same without her. She should be with him right now; grieving their friend with him and celebrating their victory with him. She had always been with him.

He had taken for granted what he had, he knows that now. It was his own fault because despite everything that went wrong in his world, he always expected her to be with him through it. The world he had woken up to 70 years later was terrifying and unknown, but she had helped him find a home in it. They had become friends, then best friends, then partners, and then…he didn't know and would never know. The words that haunted him even more than “see you in a minute” were those that were left unsaid between the two of them. He just always thought he had more time to say them.

Steve was snapped out of his train of thought when Clint approached him from behind. He hardly even moved though as his friend sat down next to him. 

“Cap…” Clint said so quietly it was almost a whisper, “somebody needs to bring these stones back.” Steve just stared unresponsively at the ground.

Clint scooted closer to make sure Steve was paying attention to him. “And it doesn’t have to be you, you know. Everyone has offered to help.”

“Yes it does,” Steve mumbled. “We don’t have enough pym particles for everyone to tag along. Besides, there aren’t many people who could bring mjolnier back anyway.”

Steve gave a half-hearted, lopsided smile at Clint. The two chuckled lightly and then there was a long moment of silence.

Clint hesitated a while before continuing, “You know Cap…she cared about you a lot.” This brought Steve momentarily out of his daze. “I don’t know in what way or if you have ever even thought that way about her, but I know she did. I just thought you should know.”

“I do,” Steve sniffled, “I just think I realized that too late.” Clint put a reassuring hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Maybe going to Vormir will give you some closure; you can say what you need to say…. You can say goodbye.” Clint’s voice caught on that last word and he had to choke back a sob.

Steve gave him a slight nod. “Thanks Clint. I just...I just need you to know that none of this is your fault.” Clint tried stop the tears from spilling again, but both of the men were misty-eyed. “You shouldn’t spend your life blaming yourself. Nat was never gonna let you…She’d want you to go on.” Clint and Steve now both had streaks of tears running down their face. “Now go home with your family, you deserve to enjoy what you have.” The two of them hugged and Clint went off to join his wife and kids.

Steve stepped up on the platform with his shield in one hand and mjolnier in the other. He inhaled sharply as Bruce started counting backwards from five. “Four…three…” Steve quickly glanced over reassuringly at Bucky. Steve could tell he was worried sick, but Bucky just smiled unconvincingly and nodded back. “Two,” Steve closed his eyes tightly, “One.”

Steve opened his eyes to the bright New Jersey sun and military personnel everywhere. He looked around to make sure he wasn’t spotted and put on his disguise of a lab coat and glasses. He and Tony cut it a little too close last time and he couldn’t risk being caught. He hurriedly slipped past the other employees and used the side entrance into the building. Thankfully it was the end of the workday, so no one paid much attention to him. He made sure he was alone in the elevator this time and went all the way down to the bottom level. He scanned the room for other employees, carefully returned the tesseract to its correct spot, and headed back upstairs to the main level through the stairwell. 

As he passed the second flight of stairs, he noticed a few security guards coming towards him. He quickly darted out of the stairwell and into a main hallway of the building. He frantically searched for the nearest elevator that could take him to the ground floor. He darted into the closest one he could find and pushed the “close doors” button. He breathed out an audible sigh of relief, but only then noticed there was another person in the elevator with him hunched near the corner. “Sorry,” he tried disguising his voice, “don’t wanna miss my ride home.” He actively avoided eye contact with the person, but still didn’t want to seem too suspicious.

“Oh…no problem.” 

That voice stopped Steve in his tracks. 

His heart began to race and his palms began to sweat and everything in him just wanted to look over at her. He tried to fight it, but against his better judgment he turned his head just slightly to check. Thankfully her eyes were averted away from him and she seemed oblivious as she had her face buried in a book.

“Level 1 please,” she mumbled absentmindedly.

“Oh uhhh, yes of course ma’am.” Steve pressed the button and turned his face towards the opposite wall.

The woman pondered for a second before looking up from her book. “Hmm,” she murmured, “I haven’t heard anyone call me ma’am in quite some time.”

Steve hummed in reply, but his heart was pounding so loudly in his chest he thought she must be able to hear it.

“Do I know you?” the woman asked in her sing-songy voice.

“Umm…I don’t think so. I’m pretty new.” Steve’s voice was audibly shaky and uneven. He knew he was screwed now.

The woman was insistent though and craned her neck to try to get a better look at him. Steve prayed and prayed that the elevator door would ding open right at that moment to end the seemingly longest elevator ride in history. But it didn’t.

“STEVE?!” the woman yelled so loud he thought the whole building could hear.

Of course she would recognize him immediately. “Hey, Peg,” Steve stammered out sheepishly.

“Wha-I…what?” she could barely form words and her eyes were practically bugging out of her head.

“Hey, I know. I know. I have a lot of explaining to do, but please calm down. No one can know I’m here please.” Before he knew it Peggy was reaching over him for the emergency stop button. She slammed it hard before Steve could stop her. The elevator came to an alarming halt and Steve knew he was totally and completely stuck. There was no way he was getting out of this one.


	2. What's Meant to Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! First of all thank you so much to everyone who commented or left kudos on my first work! I was nervous about starting writing, but you guys made me want to continue. Enjoy!

The air around them seemed thick and heavy from the silence. It probably only lasted a few seconds, but it went on way too long in Steve’s mind. All that could be heard was the faint sound of electricity in the elevator and Peggy’s rapid breathing.

She finally broke the quiet after a while. “How are you-- I thought you were uhh…it’s been so long, b-but you look…oh my God I’m so confused…”

Steve had to cut her off. “Ok…Ok just let me explain everything, but you have to promise me. Please please promise me you will not tell anyone you saw me here. Please Peg.”  
“But I don’t-“ She tried to argue with him, but he just stared back at her with pleading eyes. She frantically nodded her head in agreement.

Steve took a deep long breath before starting, “Ok, now this is all going to sound insanely crazy and won’t make much sense to you, but I need your full attention. Just let me say everything, no interruptions ok?” Her eyes flicked back up to his and he continued, “Look, when I went into the ice all those years ago, I didn’t actually die like you thought. I was frozen and then brought back decades later. I’ve been living for over 10 years. Gosh, so much has happened Peggy.” Steve’s face furrowed a little at this. “And I wish I could tell you everything, but I just…I can’t I’m sorry. But I’m back here in this time to fix something and it’s very very important that I get to where I need to go.”

Steve waited anxiously for her response. She was pale as a ghost and she seemed to be trembling a bit, but her curious brown eyes had never left his. He could tell even if there was slight doubt, she really wanted to believe him.

“Ok, so let me get this straight,” she stammered, “You want me to believe you’re from the future?” Steve gave an unconvincing smirk back. It sounded really ridiculous when she said it out loud. “So why are you here, right now?”

He was anticipating and dreading her asking this question. “I…I want to tell you, but it’s just not safe for me to say any more. I can’t risk messing anything up. You don’t need to worry though, it’s nothing you should be concerned about.” Peggy then put one hand on her head and backed up against the wall to process. She looked like she might pass out.

He didn’t blame her honestly. He sounded crazy even to himself.

He thought of saying something else, but instead his eyes were drawn to the book she had been holding. He looked closer to find it was bookmarked with a recent picture of her with a man and two children, presumably the family she had told him about a few years ago. He then noticed for the first time a gold wedding band shining brightly on her left hand. He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt.

Maybe he was angry not because of the fact they didn’t end up together (he had accepted that a long time ago). He was really most angry at the unfortunate circumstances that had broken them apart. Through hours of therapy and self-reflection, he realized he had been living in the past because he didn’t have any closure. The sudden ending of their love story hadn’t been fair to him or Peggy.

It was then that he noticed just how different she had looked to him. This Peggy was different than the sharp spitfire he knew in the 1940s and different from the soft-spoken, aging Peggy he had known from his time. He could tell just by staring at her that this Peggy seemed much more content (even if she didn’t appear so right now). She seemed almost…happy.

“Who are they? In the picture?” Steve pointed to her book.

“Oh uh that’s my umm my husband…and children.” He noticed she avoided eye contact on the word “husband”, but he didn’t let it bother him.

“You look happy, in the picture. You seem happy I mean.” Steve smiled at her reassuringly.

Peggy seemed surprised by his reaction, but smiled warmly back. “I am happy. Very happy.” She paused. “It was hard after you…left. But eventually I had to move on. Sometimes the best we can do is to start over, Steve.”

This made Steve recollect one of the conversations he had with Peggy right before she died. Not much had changed.

“What about you? Did you find someone?” Peggy’s question was so innocent, but it brought up a whole bottle of feelings Steve wasn’t quite ready to deal with right now.

“Umm…not really no.” Apparently Steve’s answer wasn’t convincing enough for her.

“How come I don’t believe you Steve?” she quipped back.

Steve shrugged and put his head down. “She…there might have been someone but, she’s gone,” Steve mumbled. Peggy’s expression turned to one of concern and she carefully laid a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry Steve.”

Steve fought back tears again. “I know, I’ll be ok I…I guess I’m just the poster boy for waiting too long.” This made him laugh a little despite himself. I guess the universe really was trying to tell him something. “But you don’t have to worry about me. I have a whole family back home who loves me. I’m ok.” He almost mentioned Bucky, but realized that would have really messed with Peggy’s head.

Peggy then pulled him into a hug and she let her head rest on his shoulder. He hesitated a little before saying, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us Peg. How I left you, it just wasn’t fair to either of us.”

Peggy sighed, “I know, but I like to believe that things happen for a reason no matter how tragic. We can’t change what happened. I guess the universe just didn’t want things to happen that way.”

“We never got that dance though,” Steve joked.

Peggy giggled at him. “Yes, but this is much better I think.” This made them break apart from each other.

“Well umm I need to get out of here somehow, but I think we probably have the whole security department waiting for us right outside those doors now,” said Steve.

“Ha. Yeah sorry about that I guess I was just caught off guard,” slurred Peggy. She pondered for a moment before declaring, “Wait I have an idea!”

Before he knew it Peggy was slinging Steve’s arm over her shoulder and positioning herself under him. “What are you doing?” Steve questioned.

“Just keep your head down and follow my lead.”

Peggy pressed the button again and within a few seconds the doors were flinging open to the ground floor. Sure enough the area outside was surrounded with security guards and other concerned employees alike.

“Move out of the way please!” She commanded. “I need to get this man into my car right now he’s fallen ill. Please move out of the way it’s an emergency!”

Much to his surprise the crowd parted compliantly, although he was sure he would’ve seen some questioning looks had Steve looked up from the ground. He also heard some murmurs and words of concern from others like “Do you need any help?” and “Can we call an ambulance?”

“No, no,” Peggy pleaded, “Just let me get to my car, don’t worry he’ll be alright. Thank you very much though.”

Before he knew it he and Peggy were safely away from the crowd, hiding out behind a tree. Steve started laughing a little. “I don’t know how we got out of that one, but thank you so much.”

“No problem. I’m pretty well-respected around here, so I think they know better than to question me,” Peggy snickered.

“I could see why,” Steve bantered as he prepared to put his “time-travel” suit back on.

Steve pulled her into another quick hug and she kissed his cheek as they pulled apart. “I’ll always love you Steve. I wish you nothing but the best.”  
“You too. I’m so happy for you Peg.”

“I’m sure that girl was lovely,” Peggy grinned.

The mention of Natasha simultaneously filled Steve’s heart and broke it into a million pieces. “She was. You would’ve loved her,” he beamed.

“I’m sure,” said Peggy. “Take care my darling.”

Steve gave her one last smile and nod before he put in his next location. He closed his eyes to prepare, but all he could think of were her words over and over again:

_I guess the universe just didn’t want things to happen that way._

He just wished the universe would give him a break sometimes.

Then everything went black again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading again! Sorry this chapter was a bit slow, but I thought it was really important for Steve's character. There will be more romanogers though I promise :) Just letting you all know I am a full-time student right now, so I'm trying to write whenever I can, but school and life are getting busy. I will make this a priority though because I really enjoy writing and I love connecting with other fans!


	3. You Were Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again all! Thank you again to whoever left kudos/comments on my last post! You all are the best! Just warning you all this chapter is a little angsty so beware lol. Enjoy!

The rest of his journey returning the stones went off (mostly) without a hitch. He was more than uncomfortable doing what he had to to return the reality stone on Asgard. It had to be done though; nothing could be out of place. He shuddered just thinking about it.

His last stop was the one he had most dreaded. A place where such horrible, unspeakable things had happened. The place where someone he cared so much about had died.

Steve opened his eyes to the vast wasteland of Vormir. The bitter cold instantly chilled every bone in his body and the fierce winds almost knocked him over. The sky was a faint purple-ish color, but it somehow seemed to make everything feel dark and dreary. The fact that this was the place Natasha was last alive made him absolutely sick to his stomach.

Steve trekked to the top of the snowy mountain just like Clint told him to do. There, Steve was met by a dark shadowy figure that seemed to be floating off the ground. Steve instantly pulled out his shield in defense and prepared to fight. Instead the figure continued to move closer and closer until Steve could see its face. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

“You?!” Steve exclaimed.

“Steven, son of Sarah,” the Red Skull almost seemed to be mocking him. “I thought you had perished a long time ago.”

“Well that makes two of us,” Steve sneered back. 

“After the incident with the tesseract I was banished here. I am the eternal keeper of the soul stone. Unfortunately for you the stone has already been taken.”

“Yeah I know,” Steve pulled the stone out, “I’m here to return it.”

The Red Skull pondered for a moment and gave Steve a confused look. “No one has ever returned the stone before.”

Steve took a deep breath. He really couldn’t deal with all this exposition right now. The longer he was on Vormir, the more the grief slowly built up inside him. “Yeah well, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore, so here.”

Steve tried handing it over, but the Red Skull shook his head. “I’m sorry Steven, but I cannot actually be in possession of the stone.”

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do with it then?” Steve yelled. He wanted no, needed to get out of here now; the pain was almost unbearable. 

“I assume you must return the stone from which it came. To where the sacrifice was made.” The Red Skull pointed one of his long fingers downward. 

Steve hesitantly craned his head over the side of the cliff. He really thought he might vomit now. He expected to see her there, lifeless and broken. He was almost relieved when he didn’t see anything. He took a deep breath, clutched the stone tightly in his hand, and started hiking back down.

He thought that Vormir really couldn’t get any worse until he made it all the way to the bottom of the cliff. He couldn’t explain it, but there was an overwhelming feeling of anguish and despair that hit him so hard he almost fell to his knees. 

This was where Gamora was murdered by her own father. This was where Natasha she…he couldn’t finish the thought.

He started walking over to the middle of the platform, but stopped dead in his tracks. He slowly crouched down to confirm his suspicion. Right at his feet was a pool of recently dried blood, which made his whole body begin to shake and his brows furrow with a mix of anger and sadness. His denial was fading away quickly and it was all becoming too real now.

Then he noticed something shiny on the ground glistening in the faint light. It was a small pile of shattered glass. Her Pym particle. The very thing that was supposed to bring her home. Instead it was here, useless and broken and all that was left of her.

This made Steve completely break down and he didn’t hold back this time. He had shed a few tears before for her, but not like this. The shock of everything he recently went through was wearing off and the harsh reality was setting in. He was pretty sure he went through all the stages of grief at once and all his feelings toward Natasha came bubbling to the surface. He physically couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he just let himself feel whatever he needed to feel and he cried until he didn’t have any tears left.

“I…I miss you so much Nat,” he sobbed, “I…I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry if you felt you needed to do this. You are…were the most selfless, caring person I knew and you deserved so much better. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been. You were always there for me and I…I was just so stuck in the past that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. You were…you were everything.”

Steve pulled the stone back out again and laid it down on the ground. Then, for the first time in a long time, he bowed his head and he started to pray. He didn’t know why, but he just wanted someone, somewhere to hear his words. He couldn’t bear the thought of her suffering more than she already had, so he just prayed that she was safe and she was happy. Wherever she was now, she deserved to be happy.

“Goodbye, Nat.”

He wiped at his tears one last time and slowly stood up. He activated his suit and reached for a Pym particle, but noticed he still had an extra one from when he stole them from Hank’s office. He angrily ripped one off his belt and placed it on top of the shattered one on the ground. He wasn’t sure why, but it made him feel a little better replacing something of hers that was broken. He knew it wasn’t going to be put to use, but he thought at least a small part of her should be left there.

Steve walked backwards away from the platform, never taking his eye off the stone. Steve waited a while and then looked down to turn on his GPS. As he started to activate it, he looked up and saw that the stone had suddenly disappeared. Right as Steve was being sucked back into the quantum realm, he heard a loud bang and saw a quick flash of an impossibly bright blue light filling the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so emotional it just felt right though. One of the things that most made me upset about Endgame was that Nat's death was kind of swept under the rug and no one seemed to care much about it. Not just for Steve even, in general I didn't think that character got the ending she deserved. Sorry it's a bit of a cliffhanger, but I'm already working on the next chapter! Comments are encouraged!


	4. You Weren't Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a few days longer than I thought to update, but I had a lot of school work this week and I really didn't want to rush this chapter. Hopefully it was worth the wait!

Steve landed back on the platform with a thud and Bruce, Bucky, and Sam all rushed to his side.

 “Are you ok?” Bucky asked. Steve still had some tears in his eyes that he tried to wipe away quickly. Bucky noticed this of course and reached over to wrap him in a hug. Steve was feeling so many emotions at once, but he was just grateful for his friends right now. They were the only family he had left and he couldn’t afford to lose them too.

“What happened?” asked Sam.

Steve didn’t physically have the energy to explain everything. Honestly he didn’t want to explain anything at all. All he could think about was Natasha and the stone. _How could the stone just disappear? What was that light? Where did her body go?_ The thoughts plagued his mind.

His friends looked at him with pleading eyes, so he felt he needed to give them some information. “I um…I saw Peggy.”

“You what?” Bucky gasped. “Yeah I ran into her in New Jersey.” He turned to face Bruce, “Don’t worry, she won’t tell anyone I was there.”

Sam was taken aback. “Wow. Well are you ok, man?” He must think Steve’s tears are for Peggy. “Yeah, she…she’s good. She’s happy, so that’s all that matters to me.” Sam patted his back and rested his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Well, we’re just glad you’re back. I didn’t think I could take another second stuck alone with that one.” Sam gestured to Bucky, but they were both smiling at each other. Steve tried to enjoy the moment with his friends, but his mind was still clouded with the hell that was Vormir. He kept seeing flashes of blood, glass, and darkness. He wanted to be sick. Sam noticed Steve’s pained expression and grabbed him by the arm. “Come on, let’s get inside. We can have a drink or something and you can pretend to get drunk while we actually get drunk.” “Haha, sure,” Steve joked and the four of them slowly starting making their way back to the cabin together. They almost made it to the front door when a loud _zap_ and _thud_ made them whip their heads around. “What the-“

 

 

_What’s happening? She slowly opened her eyes and tried to comprehend what was going on. Her head pounded like crazy, her chest felt like it was being squeezed, and she could feel bruises forming all over. She instantly felt freezing cold and the air around her made it feel hard to breathe. If this is what heaven was like, it sucked. She inhaled sharply as she forced herself to stand up and assess where she was exactly. Her eyes adjusted and she started to panic when she realized her surroundings. Her hands quickly flew to her belt, but there was nothing there. Her chances of getting home by herself were gone. She had no time to process and she did the only thing she could do. She frantically started calling out names, hoping by some miracle somebody was still there._ Clint. Bruce. Steve…. _No responses. She was completely and utterly alone and no one knew where to find her._

_Her aching body started to give and she felt like she might pass out. She practically fell to the ground and laid her head back with a groan. She was not one to give up. She never gave up, but right now she felt absolutely hopeless. She closed her eyes and huffed in defeat. If she wasn’t already dead, she’d surely be dead soon._

_She was feeling uncomfortable in the position she was in, so she slowly moved her hands away from her body to rest at her side. As she put her arms down, her fingers accidentally grazed over a small object. She mustered up the strength to grasp it in her shaking hand and pull it closer to her face. She opened her eyes just slightly to examine it and almost burst into tears._

 

 “What the-“ Sam exclaimed.

 As the four men turned around, they saw a small, seemingly lifeless body laying on the time machine. From far away all Steve could see was black at first, but as he looked closer he saw the faintest hint of red on top of the person’s head. He wasted no time and sprinted as fast as he possibly could towards her, ignoring the questions and shocked expressions of his friends. His overwhelming relief instantly turned to fear as he reached her and noticed she still wasn’t moving. He delicately positioned her onto her back and frantically checked for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there.

 His eyes flooded with tears and he choked back a sob as he held her head in his hands. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Nat. Nat please please wake up. Natasha, please.” His friends had surrounded them now, but Steve paid no attention as he shook Natasha’s shoulders and called her name out over and over again. After what seemed like an eternity, her eyes started to flutter open.

 “S…Steve” Natasha’s voice was weaker and groggier than it had ever been, but it was enough to make Steve let out a huge sigh. By some miracle, she was here and she was ok.

 “Nat…oh my god.” He carefully wrapped his strong arms around her back and pulled her into a hug.

 Sam, Bucky, and Bruce all crouched down next to her. “It worked?” she asked.

 “Yes. Yes you did it,” Steve stammered out. He cradled the back of her head and wept into her neck. He could tell that she was crying too and he felt her hot tears drip down his back.

 They remained like that for a while until Bruce broke the silence. “Natasha I-how? What happened?”

 Steve pulled away from her a little to look her in the eyes. He still couldn’t believe it.

 “I…I don’t know. One second I was jumping off the cliff to my death and the next I was waking up at the bottom.” She glanced around at everybody, but her eyes mostly remained on Steve, “Then next to me was a Pym particle. By some miracle my GPS still worked and I was able to activate it to bring me back here.”

 Steve’s breath hitched in his throat. “The Red Skull said no one had ever brought the soul stone back. What if the exchange is literally ‘a soul for a soul’. Your soul was brought back after the stone was brought back.”

 “Did…did you bring it back?” Natasha asked.

 Steve smiled at her. “Yeah. And I left the Pym particle on Vormir too, so that’s two you owe me now.” This made Natasha laugh, but the little movement made her groan loudly in pain.

 “We need to get her to a hospital now,” urged Bruce. Steve noticed she was starting to fade again.

 “Natasha. Natasha, hey stay with us. Nat, stay with us. Natasha!” Her eyes closed again and her neck went limp in Steve’s arms.

 

 

 

 After almost two days with no sleep, Steve was almost starting to doze off when a light squeeze of his hand woke him up.

 “Hey,” he soothed, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

 “Wh-What happened?” Her eyes were darting around the room now. Steve gently squeezed her hand back reassuringly.

 “You were out for almost two days. Pretty severe concussion, a few broken bones, and bruised ribs. Try not to move too much.”

 She scoffed. “Huh, is that all?” Steve chuckled. She hadn’t lost her sense of humor. That was a good sign. “Where is everybody?”

“They’ve been in and out. Some of them are back at the tower, some are in the waiting room right now.” Natasha looked at him with a face of concern. “You look like you haven’t slept at all. Have you…were you here the whole time?”

 Steve looked her right in the eyes and cradled her one hand in both of his. “I didn’t wanna leave your side, just in case you know…something happened again.”

 Natasha’s gaze never left his. “Steve, you didn’t have to-“

 “I know. I know, but I wanted to. You would’ve done the same thing for me.” He paused and she seemed to smile in agreement.

 “Natasha, these past few years you’ve been by my side no matter what, even in my darkest times and I wasn’t all there for you. You didn’t deserve that, but I…I didn’t want you to be alone this time.”

 Natasha seemed to notice how visibly upset Steve was getting. “Don’t think like that Steve. You were there for me, in your own way. You were one of the only few people ever to trust me with their life. That means more to me than you could ever know.”

 Steve broke their eye contact and his gaze dropped to the floor. “But I should’ve been there more. I was so stuck on a life I could never have that I-I didn’t appreciate what I already had. I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.”

 This made Natasha’s body tense as she processed just what he was implying. He pushed a strand of hair out of her face and rested his hands on hers. “Steve I-“ Natasha closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Steve knew whatever she was about to say wasn’t easy for her.

 “Steve, you’re forgetting that I wasn’t so open with my feelings either. It was easy for me to label us as coworkers or partners in the beginning, but I think I started pushing you away too.” Steve reached up to caress her cheek. “I was always taught that love was for children. I just accepted it as something I could never have and didn’t deserve. Then I met you and…over time I knew my feelings were deeper than anything I could admit to myself.”

 Before she could get out another word, Steve bent over to kiss her tenderly on the lips. He felt her kiss him back instantly and he knew they both realized this was long overdue. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but they remained close to each other even when they broke apart.

 “You don’t have to think that way anymore, Nat. The Red Room is over. I’m safe, you’re safe, our family is safe.” At this she threw both her arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as she possibly could with the little strength she had. He hugged her back and suddenly everything felt right again.

 “I thought I lost you. I’m sorry that’s what it took for me to come around, but now you’re here and I’m never ever letting that happen again.”

 “Me neither,” she whispered and she kissed his cheek and rested her head against his chest. He rested his head against hers and felt an overwhelming feeling of something he hadn’t felt in a really long time. She was here, by his side where she always was and where she was always supposed to be.

_Maybe the universe was finally giving him a break after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still planning on having one more chapter after this as sort of an epilogue. Thank you to everyone who's supporting this story so far though! I've really enjoyed writing it a lot!


	5. What's In a Home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone whose supported this fanfic! I appreciate all of you and I hope you are satisfied with the last chapter. This one isn't very dialogue-heavy, so hopefully it's not too hard to follow along. Enjoy the last chapter!

Steve had struggled with the idea of _home_ for a long time now. What it meant to him and if he would ever truly find it.

  _He had a glimpse of it in his early childhood. Peaceful evenings with his mom: a roaring fire, a home cooked meal, and an overwhelming feeling of comfort and love. Then she got sick and he felt like he lost everything when she passed away. All that was left of his “home” was an empty house and fading memories._

_He thought he had found a safe place to land again when he joined the army. He had a sense of purpose and more importantly, a few people who truly cared about him. However, his world was taken from him again as fast as it was given to him. His plane crash-landed in that ice and he woke up in a time far from anything he knew and loved. He gave up hope that he was ever supposed to find his place in the world. He never thought he’d find a home again. Until he met them._

 He was broken from his daze when Natasha sat down beside him and handed him a steaming mug. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” she asked with a smirk.

 “Just…how I got here I guess.”

 Natasha laughed. “Wow. Well you’ll be sitting there for a long time then.”

 Steve looked into her eyes. “And how lucky I am too.”

 “Me too.” Natasha smiled at him and then seemed to get lost into her own thoughts. They both looked away and took in the sight around them.

 

The Barton house was so beautifully decorated for the holidays. It made you feel cozy the second you walked in. The Christmas tree was twinkling with lights and ornaments and surrounded by more presents than Steve could count, the fire was lit with a long row of stockings hanging above it, and the whole downstairs was filled with the sounds of voices of so many people important to him. Sam and Bucky were in the corner chatting and laughing about something (probably making fun of him), Clint was playing some board game with the kids they were all obviously very invested in, Laura was cooking away in the kitchen, and Bruce and Wanda were helping set the table.

 Steve heard Natasha sigh in contentment and he leaned over to put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and she closed her eyes. After all the stressful and traumatic years they had gone through he watched her for the first time, finally allowing herself to relax and live in the moment.

 Their one quiet second of time together was interrupted soon by Nate. He ran over to them and tried to pull Natasha up off the couch. “Auntie Nat, come on! You promised you’d be on my team ‘member?”

 Natasha grinned at the little boy and placed a hand on his cheek. “In a minute bud ok? Just let Steve and I finish our hot chocolate then we’ll go play.”

 “But, but…” Nate pouted his lip out and gave Natasha the saddest puppy eyes she’d ever seen.

 Clint picked up the boy from behind and tossed him over his shoulder. “Hey, none of that little man. Let Auntie Nat have some peace for just one minute.”

 “But daddy-” Nate protested.

 “No buts mister. Why don’t you go play with Uncle Bruce? I’m sure he’d like that.”

 Nate looked a little wide-eyed as he looked over at Bruce and then back at Clint. “He scares me a little though daddy. He’s really big. And green.”

 Steve and Natasha both snorted and Clint shot them a dirty look. “I know he looks scary Nate, but Bruce is really really nice. Maybe if you ask nicely he might even give you a piggy-back ride.” This instantly convinced Nate and he gave Clint a smile before walking off to join Bruce and his siblings.

 Clint walked over to the couch and placed a hand on Natasha’s shoulder. “Hey, how you doing?”

 She reached up to place her hand on top of his and smiled up at him. “Never better.”

 

_Steve had never seen Natasha as emotional as she was when she reunited with Clint and his family. Since the event with the Accords, she, Sam, and Steve had been on the run, so they barely saw the Bartons for those three years. Then Thanos’s snap happened and Clint lost everything. His family came back after Bruce’s snap, but at a great price. They never thought they’d see Natasha again until Clint got an emotional call from Steve one day. They came to visit her in the hospital while she was still unconscious, but she didn’t get to see them for herself until she and Steve made a trip to their farm. There was crying and hugging and even more crying. Clint and Laura had their best friend back, the kids had their aunt back, and Natasha had her family back._

 

 Steve heard a light knock at the door followed by little feet bounding down the hallway. “Uncle Steve! Auntie Nat!” Morgan ran through the entryway to tackle them each in a hug.

 Natasha bent down and ruffled her hair. “Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”

 “Mommy said Santa’s coming tonight! Did you know that?” Steve chuckled a little to himself at Morgan’s complete disregard to Natasha’s question. “He’ll bring presents for me and Cooper and Lila and Nate, if they were good too this year.”

 “Well, we’ll have to see,” Steve joked with her. Judging by her face she didn’t find it funny at all.

 Steve and Natasha heard loud rustling coming from the front door and watched as Pepper came stumbling in with a hand full of presents, food, and suitcases. They rushed over to help her before it all came crashing to the floor. “Ahh, thank you,” Pepper sighed in relief. “Next time, we’re doing Secret Santa.”

 “I second that,” Steve said, “I swear Nat and I spent an entire month just shopping this year.”

 “I was never that good at gift giving. Tony was always the one to-” The smile on Pepper’s face fell at that last remark. This was the first Christmas without him and Pepper was just trying her best to get through it for Morgan’s sake. She had struggled to do everything by herself, so everyone agreed to help out and make it special for them. Clint offered for everyone to stay at his house this year and Pepper and Morgan happily agreed. All they wanted was to be around people who cared about them and who had loved Tony like they did.

 Steve and Natasha noticed Pepper getting emotional and took turns hugging the woman. “Hey, it’s gonna be ok Pepper. I know he’s with us in spirit today,” Steve soothed.

 Natasha grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes. “I…I’m so sorry, Pepper.”

 

_Telling Natasha about Tony’s sacrifice had almost been harder than experiencing it himself. He knew she would’ve found out soon enough, but he wanted it to come from him. She was devastated at the thought of Pepper and Morgan losing the most important person in their lives, but mostly she felt guilt. Guilt that she had come back and he hadn’t. She convinced herself that he deserved to live more than she did. After months of feeling this way Natasha realized that blaming herself would never bring him back. Despite her differences with Tony, he wouldn’t want her to wallow in her grief. He’d want her to live her life to the fullest._

 

“Dinner’s ready everybody!” Laura yelled through the kitchen, which caused everybody to immediately stop what they were doing and rush to the dining room; mealtime was no joke around here. Everyone took their respective places at the table and started digging into the delicious food. They all stuffed their faces and shared stories and joked and laughed with each other until they couldn’t eat another bite. Steve looked at the endless smiles around him and felt eternally grateful.

  _Everything seemed hopeless and lonely until he met them. Even though they had their issues in the beginning, the Avengers became his new home. His permanent home. They had ups and downs and went through hell and back, but in the end they stayed together. That is what family was to him._

 Steve leaned over to rest his hand on Natasha’s knee. “Merry Christmas, Nat.”

  _He never expected it, but slowly she became a significant part of that family to him. Nobody had stuck by his side like she had. Nobody made him feel more safe and loved. She was his home too._

 She pecked him on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, Steve.”

 

_Maybe through all the hell he went through, all the heartbreak and suffering; everything was leading him right here, where he was supposed to be._

_He wouldn’t have it any other way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe I'm finally done with this series! I really enjoyed it as my first fanfic and I can't wait to write more. I'm thinking of doing a sort of undercover/slow-burn au for my next fic, so leave a comment and let me know if that's something you'd be interested in reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much if you read this far and just fyi this is my first fanfic so please be kind, but feel free to leave me some constructive criticism! I'm really trying to work on improving my writing, so let me know if you noticed any plot holes, grammar mistakes, or something that may seem out of character. I'm working on the next chapter right now so let me know if you want me to continue!


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